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My Own Limitations With the Power of Yes
I always thought of myself as a great master of the power of yes. The power of yes means I follow my intuition toward the goals I set for myself. I take pretty good care of myself.
I practice self care. I indulge when I want to. I quit jobs I hate, and I apply for (and usually get) the jobs I want. I only date/marry men who treat me like a goddess.
I’ve always considered myself good at yes.
Until I realized that I was limiting my “want.”
Very quickly, I figured this out with men. For years I dated men for whom I was the catch. I was just out of their league. Of course they would adore me. I lost interest in those men quickly though because they, for me, were not catches. When two people are not well matched, the relationship is doomed.
I opened myself up to a whole world of men I had never dated before. I met and fell in love with someone who broke my heart pretty badly. And then I met my husband.
What became clear to me was that in life, you have to leap, fall, and grow wings to fly. Sometimes the fall brings you almost to the concrete. You can feel the heat of the pavement warming your face as you are about to smash into it, crushed irreparably, but then your wings kick in, and you fly, falteringly at first, but then you soar.
I had to fall before I met my husband, or I would never had grown wings, and I never would have flown to meet him. Because he didn’t exist in that other space, that safe zone I was afraid to jump out of. And if I had met him, I never would have said yes.
But it wasn’t until four months ago that I dared to apply my yes to my professional life. Sometimes, in order to jump, you need a push.
My Flight
Matilda was my push.
I went back to work, a job I adore, after maternity leave with my second child, and my heart wasn’t in the leaving.
Now, with two kids, it just felt like too much. I didn’t want to quit my job. I still don’t. But I wanted to cut back, cut in half the time I had to leave my kids.
So, I jumped.
It started with a simple internet search: “how to make money from home.”
And the world opened up to me.
I stumbled across this amazing man, Scott Alan Turner, and his 50 Legitimate Ways To Make Money From Home.
I tried a couple of his suggestions, online surveys, content writing on Upwork.
And it worked. I made some money. I got a contract on Upwork right away with a really nice man who pays me a small fee to write for his blog.
That Was Just the beginning.
The primary suggestion Turner made that hit me like a ton of bricks was blogging.
Disbelieving, I thought, Blogging? I’ve been blogging for years. My 20 friends read my blog. People make money blogging?
And then it hit me again: “I’m a writer.”
I’ve always been a writer. I have written since I was a young girl, making up stories in my journal to terrify my sister, writing poetry through pain, and blogging as a creative outlet after Celaya was born.
But I have never said yes to my writing. I have gotten incredible feedback on my writing. People I don’t know respond with overwhelming support and praise. My friends tell me I should figure out how to get my name out there.
“Haha. Yes. I should.” I would laugh and then forget it.
I Argued for My Own Limitations.
But now I saw people were doing it. People who didn’t even consider themselves writers were making money blogging.
I jumped again.
I switched my blog to a self hosted website, so I could own my own domain, and I named it after my goal in life: femme unfiltered.
This is who I have always been, who I always want to be, and who I want to help other women be: proud of our femaleness, authentic and fearless.
I have spent my life empowering young women and girls, and I want to do it on a massive scale. Because I truly believe, atheist that I am, that the power of the female is divine.
Soaring
And the world opened up again.
I found an incredibly generous and supportive program on Facebook called Start a Money Making Blog, led by a couple from Southern California. I enrolled in their 30 Day Fast Track course, considering it an investment in myself, and I learned things about which I had absolutely no clue. I honestly cannot believe these people don’t charge five times what I paid for all the information I got from social media savvy to affiliate marketing approaches.
I learned about Facebooks groups, Twitter!, Pinterest! all of these spaces for writers I had never even thought twice about.
And to every single opportunity that met me on my path, every connection, every new friend, I just said yes.
And I keep saying yes.
Faltering
It hasn’t been perfect. No surprise.
Nervous at first, I let a group of bloggers scare me, that my writing was too aggressive, too in your face, too much for blogging. My blog would not make money.
“If you want your blog to make money, you will have to change it. If you are just writing to write, do whatever you want” is what one fellow blogger in one of my groups commented on my blog post about Colin Kaepernick.
I let her, and the other handful of women who agreed with her, get in my head.
“There is so much money to be made with meal plans, travel advice, mainstream family friendly writing!” The world told me. So much money! They weren’t lying.
So I said yes. I wrote essays, still in my own voice, about local and distant family friendly hangouts, about my city, about my recipes. All of those essay I enjoyed writing. I love to cook, I love my city, I love to travel.
But I knew I was playing it safe. I knew a part of my voice was missing.
The thing is, if I hadn’t toned down my intense writing in an attempt to please others, I may never have let go of my own negativity (hate Trump! hate white supremacists! hate hate hate!), and embraced a fully and unceasingly positive mentality and voice. (help those who suffer, love those who have never known love, educate those who don’t know any better).
Essentially, I found yet another way to turn a no into a yes. I started writing on personal and social issues again, but this time I used my collaborative voice, my supportive voice. I could write to the world the way I talk to my friends. Because the truth is, my goal is to make friends with the world.
He’s Just Not That Into You
So here’s what I had to come to terms with: I was not going to be a mainstream mommy blogger. Probably not even a typical lifestyle blogger. I would not have sponsors jumping at the chance to have me represent their family friendly brands. I would not have family friendly locations leaping to sponsor my posts.
They are just not that into me.
It is the same premise as that of the book He’s Just Not That Into You.
The point of the book is that there are always going to be guys out there who are not into you, but instead of worrying about whether they like you, you should be asking yourself if you like them.
I worried that there may be a million products out there that wouldn’t want me, but I hadn’t been asking myself if I wanted them.
Call It Whatever You Want, Just Trust It
Some people call it instincts, some call it intuition, some call it energy, your voice, and some even call it God. Whatever you want to call it, you have to first understand what it sounds like, what it feels like. Then you have to trust it.
It feels naturally, organically, deep in your soul good. You have felt that way at least once in your life, probably more than once.
I first felt it, oddly, when I ran away from home. I was finally free.
I trust it with men, with friends, as a mother, and as a woman. Now I am trusting it professionally.
Even more than what it does feel like, you know what it doesn’t feel like. You know what red flags feel like. You know warning bells in your head when you hear them. Humans fail, we fall, and when we look back, we understand why we fell. This is a great way to learn to trust your instincts: listen for the warning bells, and go in the other direction.
I had warning bells in my head for years when I worked in banking. Years.
I have had those warning bells in my head again since I went back to work this time around.
I’m listening.
I’m writing.
My Why
I had to figure all this out, remind myself of my good instincts, stumble a bit, before I could start recognizing all the opportunities that were out there for me. And say yes.
I have begun to follow accounts on Twitter that I admire and aspire to be like that put out messages akin to mine – Marianne Williamson, Shonda Rhymes, Kerry Washington, The Secret, Positive Thoughts, and more.
I have done the same on Linked In, on Instagram, on Facebook.
I have joined communities of writers and bloggers, of speakers and organizers. I am finding my way to bring it all together in a way that is both meaningful and lucrative to me.
I learn from everyone, and I share with everyone. The lovely thing I have found about writing is that writers are unendingly collaborative. Writers and bloggers understand that we do not work in isolation. We are only as strong as our communities. We celebrate each others’ successes and share ideas for overcoming faltering moments.
Adapt and Evolve
Armed with all of these experiences in such a short time, I just keep saying yes, trying new things, going to new places, and writing about them, snapping photos, sharing in my group.
Early on, an exciting event came across my path, and I said yes.
I bought myself one ticket to see Michael Chabon interview one of my favorite authors, Salman Rushdie. I had a great time, and Michael Chabon even “liked” my instagram pic of the experience. I have since attended more talks, more conferences, more group meetings.
I submitted proposals for jobs on Upwork, working and reworking my proposals, my profiles, my engagement with social media. After all, as Darwin said, “It is not the strongest or even the smartest who survive. It is the most adaptable to change.” So I adapt. I evolve.
Along the way my why has continued to take shape, and I am letting it, flowing with it. With every negative interaction I have online, being followed and unfollowed on Instagram, being trolled on Twitter, being called “emotional” on Linked In, I have come closer to my truth.
My Truth: Uplifting Women
I started my Facebook group to bring the women I know together and to bring in more women we don’t know. My goal is to gather women from around the world and build strong communities of support and praise, of ideas and collaborations. I read a great article at the beginning of my journey that appealed to its reader not to “start another blog.” Instead, the author said, “start a deep interest network.” Essentially, build a community.
I had just finished John Taylor Gatto’s Weapons of Mass Instruction in which he warns that we have lost our sense of community.
I could do this. I could bring people together. I could form communities. I’m good at this. My personal friend group consists of people of all ages from all walks of life. Why couldn’t I do the same on a professional level?
I Could
I wanted to speak. To get on stage, to create circles, to give women a voice, to empower them.
I stumbled across the amazing work of many women who work to uplift other women, and one in particular who has opened her arms to help other women do this work as well. KC Baker has started WomanSpeak, an organization of women who lead women’s circles, teaching women to build on their own feminine strengths.
I found WomanSpeak, or I would say, WomanSpeak found me, and I said yes.
I start my training this week; three weeks from now I will be ready to start my own local empowerment circle.
Four Months
It has been four months. A very short time. And I have to remind myself that so much has happened. Of course I get frustrated that it hasn’t all come together; I don’t have it all figured out; I’m not a successful published writer with a book deal by now.
Until I remember that I am on a journey, that the journey is the destination.
I will keep saying yes. I have found my why, my purpose, opened myself up to it, and I just keep saying yes.
I have been propositioned by a couple of companies who want me to sell their products, and I have said yes to the conversation and negotiation, but then no to the final deal, because it would take me off my path.
I have made a couple thousand dollars off my content writing, and I know I can grow this side of my business. I am dipping my busy toes into copywriting, and I am positive that corner will be fruitful once I can finally get my toes in deeper.
I am beginning the path to public speaking, which promises to pay well from the beginning, and even more once I get my feet under me.
I am making money doing things I genuinely love, with the end goal of transitioning out of working so much away from home to working more from home on my own schedule.
When to Say No
I say no to anything negative. When I read a post anywhere that begins with “don’t trust _______” or “never believe ________,” or any iteration of its kind, I turn away. Negativity is as infectious as positivity.
I say no to anything that feels like it would take me off my path. I was offered an interesting writing job that I would have found very rewarding, but the editor wanted to pay me half a penny per word. Half a penny. I have limited time in each day as a part time tutor/teacher and a full time mom. I cannot afford to spend an hour writing 1000 words for $5. It would leave me with no time to find other, more lucrative opportunities for growth, like the public speaking job I am starting.
I say no to trolls. Anyone working to actively fight with me, I delete, I block, and I never look back. I can love the world and love all people while removing hateful people from my atmosphere. I will not be infected. My energy is precious.
Patience With the Process
Ultimately, I have had to learn to be patient. Enough has happened to me that feels miraculous to assure me that I am headed in the right direction. I will enjoy the process. I will check myself when I start to shake with impatience. I will continue to say yes. I will stay open to new adventures and new experiences.
And I will write.
I heard Esther Hicks describe starting a new path or journey as planting corn. You don’t plant the seed and then yell at it: “GROW!” You don’t dig it up and scream in the seed’s face that its taking too long. You wait. You enjoy watching it grow from a seed to a seedling to a sprout to a small plant to a stalk to full grown corn. Everything has its process. Enjoy the process.
And then enjoy the fresh corn.
I just have to say that I love this post! I think we have some of the same views, and I believe that lifting women up is one of the best things we can do for the female population. Continue being true to yourself. If standing up to hate is offensive, then there is something wrong with the world. Oh, and I may need to try Upwork!❤️
thanks Amie! Yes, check out Upwork. It’s a good place to start for some freelance work.
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