Relax. It’s Friday.
I know. I know. All the days seem to blend together in a blur of worry and stress right now. You’re home with kids or a spouse, or both. You have plenty of toilet paper, or none at all. And you’re on social media constantly, or not at all. Extremes are par for the course in this global pandemic, and you’re feeling overwhelmed. We all are. Well, I am here to remind you that it is in fact Friday, and I’m here to encourage you to take this opportunity to shift out of the extreme and enjoy your weekend. I’m asking you to relax, focus on pleasure, and love the ones you’re with not just because it will feel good but also because, in the long run, it will do good. In fact, it is likely the best thing you can do for yourself, others, and the world. Relax.
But… Chaos
“Relax! Everything is out of control.” I first heard this quote a few days ago on Russel Brand’s podcast, Under the Skin. Gabor Mate was on to talk about our stresses and our collective communities during this Covid-19 pandemic. He noted that the first thing most of us do when we feel out of control is to freak out! But Ajahn Brahm, a Buddhist monk from Australia, makes the point that everything is always out of control. Most people, especially westerners, merely operate under an illusion of control. Buddhism teaches us that the only thing we can control is ourselves.
So… yep. Everything is going to hell. There’s a global pandemic that may or may not get pretty much everyone sick. And you may or may not have any impact on that. The economy will likely tank. Society as we know it will never be the same.
And you cannot control any of that.
In fact, you cannot even control what you’re feeling about all of that.
Your emotions cannot be controlled through sheer will. Your emotions can only be controlled by your thoughts.
Ah! There is something you can control!
You can control your thoughts. In fact, there are many, many things you can control within and surrounding yourself.
So if you, like me, and like most humans, need to feel in control, now is the time to shift your focus onto what you can actually control, recognize that it is pointless to worry about what you cannot control, and, little by little, lightly and gently, begin to unclench. And watch your whole household unclench with you.
Relax.
There are some real changes you can make right this second that will help you get there. Start today, Friday, so that you can practice over the weekend, really loosen up, and begin your week more prepared to confront what’s coming.
Get Outside
Even just 30 minutes of walking outside in fresh air and sunshine noticeably reduces stress, gives you the Vitamin D that supports a strong immune system, and gives you peace of mind.
I prefer walking with no headphones or distractions as it boosts my ability to focus on the now, stay present, which, studies have shown, is comparable to meditation.
Meditate
Yea, you had to know this one was coming. In a time of noise and distraction, it is now more important than ever to turn inward and find silence. You are not going to stop checking the news and scanning for updates. But you can put your phone down and give yourself a break. Time dedicated to meditation really helps with this.
Commit to a single span of 5 minutes of complete silence, sitting comfortably, where you actively work on releasing all thoughts and letting your mind go completely blank.
I meditate for 15 minutes each morning before I sit down to write, and it changes my whole day. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, in that entire 15 minutes, I am unable to clear my head, and those damn thoughts (or song lyrics) keep crowding back in. The crowding is normal. Meditation is a lifelong practice that never gets perfect, and trust me, it’s worth it.
Eat and Drink Well
You feel better when you eat and drink better. You know it’s true. I know it’s true. Yet we still reach for the gummy worms (my vice), or the wine, or the potato chips, or whatever shit we know we shouldn’t be putting in our bodies.
Not only is all this crap not good for our bodies in the long run (hello, immune system), but it also makes us feel crappy once we’ve consumed it. It is called crap for a reason, after all.
So eat your fruits and veggies, get balance into your diet, and drink lots of water. Sure, yes, treat yourself to a glass of wine or a piece of cake when you feel called. Just be sure you’re not using food and drink as crutches to mask or feed your feelings.
Sleep
Your body needs plenty of sleep each night. Your mind does, too. Lack of sleep or poor sleep can throw every other piece of relaxation and peace out the window. When we don’t get enough sleep we tend to overeat, stress more, drink more alcohol and less water (totally counterproductive, by the way), and we are more quick to anger and anxiety.
Get. Your. Sleep.
A good night’s sleep will lay the foundation for all other relaxation practices.
I’ve been slacking this week since we started getting up at 4AM, and I haven’t yet figured out how to get into bed and asleep by 9PM when my kids’ bedtime is at 8:30PM, but I will get there because it is a top priority for me.
And despite not getting the most sleep this week, I am still working on the steps leading up to a good night of sleep, like a nice cup of tea, turning my screen off an hour before bed and reading myself to sleep, getting plenty of exercise, etc. So my sleep, while spanning fewer hours, does still feel deep and restful.
Laugh
Laughter really is the best medicine. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it as many times as you’ll listen, laughter cured my mother’s cancer. Yep, she dedicated an entire year of her life to seeking out belly laughs, and at the end of that year she had gone from Stage IV colon cancer to cancer free.
Find ways to laugh. Watch funny shows, listen to funny podcasts, tell jokes, get your kids to tell you jokes!, read funny books, whatever it takes. Do what you can to find the funny balance to an otherwise bleak outside world as it is right now.
Science has given us ample evidence that laughter is a tremendously effective stress reliever. You cannot laugh and not relax.
And finally, Connect
I have not been quiet about the fact that I am not a fan of the #stayhome #stayinside #socialdistancing hashtags and the super judgey movements that have come from them.
Yes, of course I get that we’re all stressed out and that judgment arises naturally from fear. I also get that we need to feel in control, so we want to control each other by shouting and finger pointing and calling the cops on each other for walking around outside and not properly “social distancing”
Insert eye roll emoji here.
But in my never to be humble opinion, supported by ample experience and evidence, we should one hundred percent not be staying home, staying inside, or social distancing. In fact, that is a bad recipe for learning to relax.
We have got to shift the language and our mentality around this pandemic and our reactions to it.
We should be out in nature. We should be walking our neighborhoods. We should be talking to each other, not at each other.
Connecting.
Connecting, so we’re not staying home, locked into screens, driven mad by our children. Find a trail that is still open or a field or stream to play in. Wander your streets and wave at your neighbors, exchange smiles and hems and haws. Zoom call your friends and family, FaceTime, Skype. Whatever. Find ways to stay connected to nature, to your community, and to your loved ones.
This last piece is so very crucial, and I think we are doing much more harm than good by insisting on and enforcing this idea of complete isolation for asymptomatic people.
Numerous ways to connect and remain healthy and uninfected exist.
Let us begin to explore ways to reveal them and exemplify them.
Why Should I?
So, now you want to know why the hell you should listen to me? Why shouldn’t you just keep doing what you’ve been doing?
I’ll tell you why you should chill the fuck out and relax.
You’re going to die.
There.
I said it.
No matter what, it is the only thing you can count on one hundred percent. You are going to die.
And while it is highly, highly unlikely that you will die as a result of this pandemic, you will die eventually.
Relaxing, de-stressing, and taking care of your health will ensure that you enjoy what life you do have left to live, be it another 80 years or a single day.
Shifting your focus on learning to relax rather than being controlled by your stresses and fears will also play a role in keeping you healthy and strong when you do inevitably encounter a virus or other infection, be it Covid-19 or the seasonal flu or even a common cold.
As such, since we’re all acknowledging that life will never be the same after this, that society has now irrevocably changed, why not let our part in that change be for the better?
And, as we all know, the best way to change the world is to change yourself.
So, relax. Everything is out of control.
Happy Friday.
I want to hear from you! What are you doing to relax? How stressed out are you, and how are you contributing to your own stress? What can you do to calm those stresses? Let’s take control of our thoughts and our own lives together. Share your thoughts and helpful tips in the comments. Who knows, your example may help someone today.