When I walked into Zocalo in San Leandro, CA, to meet with my friend Rebecca to discuss her gastric bypass surgery, I didn’t recognize her. I walked right past her, even though, really, you couldn’t miss her.
She had on a bright, hot pink top, with little ruffles around the collar, she had on cute pink earrings to match. Her hair is a light, bright yellow with adorable curls all around her face. She was wearing pink lipstick, and beautifully applied and eye shadow that had clearly been carefully chosen. She was well into three hundred pound territory and sitting at a table right inside the door, facing the door.
She should have been the first person I noticed. But I walked right past her, because I was looking for my friend Rebecca, not this cute, very overweight woman.
Rebecca and I met at Chevy’s when I was bartending my way through college and she was waitressing nights to help support her family. She is ten years older than me, she has three kids and a husband she adores, and she’s a buddhist. She played around with a few different religions when she was younger, even venturing into Wicca, and she finally settled on buddhism.
This makes sense for Rebecca. She wants to find peace. She is one of the most loving women I have ever met. She’s that lady in the diner with flashy eye makeup and pink lipstick, popping bubble gum and calling everyone “hon.”
You just want to be her friend. You want to sit and have coffee with her. You want her wisdom.
Why on earth was she having weight loss surgery? You might ask. Just lose the weight. Eat less and exercise more. Duh.
Rebecca was one of my first supporters on this website. She messaged me right as soon as I launched my new site: “Oh good for you! I wish I could do something like this for my gastric bypass surgery!”
Wait. What? Rebecca was having gastric bypass surgery? I messaged her right back and asked if I could tell her story. She agreed. So now here we were in the cutest cafe in the San Francisco Bay Area, I acting as a journalist, with my pint sized assistant reporter by my side, and Rebecca, the first subject of a new series I am launching called “Sonder.” I want to tell people’s stories from the inside, so that we can try to understand better the three dimensions that make us all up.
Rebecca is not just some fat lady having weight loss surgery. She is a friend, a woman, a mother, a sister, a wife, a buddhist, and so much more.
Celaya ran off to play in the children’s area, and Rebecca and I began.
“Shanna,” she says to me. “I was skinny when I got married. I have this beautiful slinky black dress I used to wear. It is hanging up in my bedroom so I can see it, so it can motivate me. It’s tight fitting and gorgeous, and I am going to get back into that dress.”
It is a story as old as time.
After Rebecca’s first child, she kept on an extra ten pounds of baby weight. After her second child, it was twenty pounds. By her third child she developed gestational diabetes, and had her third cesarean section. Because she couldn’t lose the weight (she had three children to raise and worked almost full time), she eventually became pre diabetic.
When I met Rebecca she was overweight, but she was overweight the way many mothers heading into middle age with three children are. She was bigger in the hips and bottom, and a little heavy all around. But she moved and grooved with the best of them.
By the time I saw her again, six years since I had seen her last, she was a full blown diabetic, she had ankle problems, a bad knee, and carpel tunnel in her wrist so bad that she had to stop waitressing.
And this is how it happens. One thing, baby weight, leads to another thing, more baby weight, leads to another thing, a bad ankle, and so on and so forth. Weight gain for women like Rebecca, women like me, tends to spiral. One problem leads to another and you’re so busy that you don’t have time to worry about it all. Before you know it, you have major medical conditions and your body is so confused after so many years of so many different diets and gains and losses that you just can’t anymore. You just can’t.
And Rebecca just couldn’t.
She had now lost many of her teeth. She didn’t look fat; she looked swollen, puffy. And she still smiled. She still had hope. She was charging forward into this new project.
Please let this be the thing that works. She thinks to herself.
Originally, Rebecca didn’t even think of weight loss surgery. It was her doctor who recommended it.
“You need it,” he said. “It is the only thing that will work for you with all of your health problems.”
And with those words, Rebecca saw possibility again. She could dream again.
She is having dentures put in, she will lose the weight, she will fit into that dress.
She will see a day when she doesn’t have to take a pill for high blood pressure and one for high cholesterol. She will walk down the street with her bouncy curls and feel great about herself again.
And if you want to follow her journey, it will be here, on this site, under the theme, Sonder: Rebecca’s story.
*Rebecca just had her gastric bypass surgery a couple of weeks ago, and it has already been a rough road. We will meet again in the next few weeks, and part two of her journey will be on this site.
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