It’s the little things.
It’s sun filtering in through your bedroom window. It’s kisses from babies. It’s summer rain and lightning storms. It’s coffee on the nightstand brought to you by a loved one. It’s a heart emoji text. It’s an unexpected raise.
It’s doing one small thing toward your goal every day.
And yes, it’s taking a knee.
#takeaknee
When Colin Kaepernick first took a knee last year during a football game, very few people supported him. Many called him out. Tomi Laren did a number on him. She wasn’t alone. They said he was being disrespectful to the flag. He was a rabble rouser. He was looking for personal attention. He was trying to draw attention away from the fact that he was not performing well.
It was such a small thing, but it had such a huge backlash. And he could not possibly have known the impact it would have. The ripple effects are myriad. He said, of course, that if he had to give up his paycheck to do what was right, that he would still do what was right. He said that he couldn’t possibly stand in support of a country that was allowing black people to die in the streets.
But he could not know the nationwide news his kneeling would make. He could not know that he would be blackballed from the NFL the following season.
And he certainly could not know that little by little, player by player, from middle school students to white female soccer players to fellow football players who had previously spoken against him, would take a knee.
He could not know that Donald Trump would jump into the fray, making this a battle now between black people and a white supremacist apologist.
A Line Is Drawn
A clear line was drawn in the sand in Alabama when Trump called out Kaepernick and all those who knelt with him: “Get that son of a bitch off the field.”:
And the American people had to decide. “Shit. Are we with Trump? Or are we with Kaepernick and the Black Lives Matter cause?”
The people have clearly decided. The Steelers refused to even take the field during the National Anthem Sunday morning. Tom Brady (Trump’s bestie) locked arms with his kneeling teammates. Coaches and owners have come out in support of the kneelers. Lines of players are kneeling or locking arms or holding onto each others’ shoulders in solidarity.
Whether some of us like it or not, whether it is a bitter pill to swallow or not, swallow it we seem to have done. America has made a tiny step forward toward progress as a nation, when around the country football games have become statements of solidarity that yes, black lives do matter. No, we don’t want black people killed in the streets. And yes, Kaepernick and all of his fellow kneelers have a constitutional right that we support to peaceful protest and freedom of speech. #takeaknee and #taketheknee have been trending on Twitter for 24 hours now. And it continues.
All because of a little thing. A small act. One man took a knee. He didn’t scream or rage; he didn’t blow anything up; he didn’t march in the streets. He took a knee. We could have ignored him and moved on.
But we didn’t. We stood with him. We knelt with him. We tweeted alongside his mother, “A proud bitch!” We take a knee.
Little Things Matter
So continue to do the small things. Remember that the small things count. The little things are what lead to the big things. Very little change in life is because of big leaps forward. Forest fires come from a tiny spark. Revolutions start with one protest, one voice, one rallying cry, one Facebook post.
Don’t let anyone tell you that “armchair activism” isn’t enough. That raising your children to celebrate difference isn’t enough. That being actively kind to everyone you encounter isn’t enough.
Yes, the world will have its martyrs, whether the martyrs realize what they are doing or not. There will always be big huge explosions of change, but the everyday stuff is what eventually moves mountains.
Change really does begin with us. We are the heroes. We are the ones who will march this nation forward, and we will all do it in our own ways.
It Starts At Home
“Can we paint our toenails today, Mama?” My daughter asks me this morning.
And I think of how busy I am, how much I have to do, how much I want to accomplish on my last weekend day.
“Yes, honey. Of course we can.” I respond.
“Right now?” She asks, because she knows her mother, and she knows that “yes,” often turns into “tomorrow” or the next day or even the next weekend.
“Yes, honey. Go get the stuff.” I respond again. Because the reality is that it is such a little thing. All in all it takes me thirty minutes to gather snacks in pretty bowls, to pour San Pellegrinos over ice in pretty glasses with cut up fruit, to display our pedicure tools on a blanket on the front patio. It takes five minutes tops to actually paint our nails. And the memory of that “girl time,” that “glamorous” experience will stay with her for a lifetime.
She will care about herself because I take time to make her feel special. She will treat herself because I teach her how to. And because she learns to love herself, she will expect others to love her as well. And she will go out and love others.
Recently, I learned that a little girl Celaya was playing with was mean to other friends of Celaya’s in front of her. And Celaya did nothing.
My daughter is five. She wanted to play with the dolls that the little girl had, so she said nothing in the face of this little girl spewing harsh words out to her other friends (boys) who wanted to play something else.
After I learned about it from the boys’ mother, I had a talk with Celaya.
Empathy
It was a couple days later, and we were driving.
“Celaya, can you tell me what happened?” I asked.
She was quiet and hesitant. She only acts like this when she thinks she is in trouble.
I assured her that she was not in trouble. And we went on to have a talk about how she would feel if the situation were reversed. If someone else was being mean to her in front of her friends. How would she expect her friends to react. How does she expect her mother to react if someone is mean to her in front of her mother?
“You would say something. You would stand up for me.” She answered.
“Exactly.” I told her. “So don’t you think that’s what you should do?”
“The next time something like that happens, Celaya,” I said, “I want you to stand up for your friends. You are a strong, smart, capable girl, and you will grow up to be a strong, smart, capable woman. We stand up for people who are defenseless. We stand up for people being hurt. Even when it isn’t convenient to us. And if it is difficult, if you are afraid, if you don’t know how to act, you come get me. I will be right there. You come get me, and I will deal with it. Do you understand?”
“I understand.” She said quietly.
The Ripple Effect
Maybe she does. Maybe she doesn’t. But what I know for sure is that she will. It is because I take time for the little things, the pedicures and reading books, that she will listen to the lessons about our little acts, standing up, speaking out.
She will remember the little conversations, the little talks, the little acts of kindness, the gentle encouragement and, yes, the harsh reprimands when necessary.
She will remember the kisses and the hugs, the pedicures and the San Pellegrinos, the carnations around the house, and the candles lit on Friday nights.
She will remember all of it, all the little things.
Because today I take the time for her feet, someday she will know to take a knee.
This is beautiful Shanna! Our actions truly do have ripple effects.
Thank you so much Marissa! That is a huge compliment.
Beautifully written. You have so present this idea that we teach by example and that others (especially little ones!) are always observing and learning. Thanks for reminding us!
thank you! I love to know that you are out there reading my pieces! It makes me feel like we are close even though I never get to see you!!!
Very well written . When Kaepernick first took a knee I think he had more than a few that supported him and he dose have the freedom and right to protest that’s one of the things that makes our country great. And what many people gave their lives for. You said Kaepernick said he would never stand in support of a country that was murdering black people. But not all of us are murdering people and a lot of us are against the senseless murders too. I personally hate to see anyone lose their lives or the family members to have to deal with losing a child or love ones. I can’t imagine the pain all these families are having to endure And the news they are part of the problem keeping things stirred up Donald Trump I feel was wrong for saying what he said and also the way he said it he disrespected the players which was not right and everyone is angry and upset Which is totally understandable. I think our country had a right to be upset also the flag and the National anthem mean alot to many people for many reasons because this is our country good or bad people lost their lives families made sacrifices for all of our families black-and-white. Am I saying that the flag and the National Anthem are more important than black lives not at all in different ways they are both thinking And remembering of lives lost I think sometimes freedom of speech can be misused. I think when you have a message that you want to relay to someone it shouldn’t be in a way that step on or disrespect something that’s important to other or speak like Trump did . I think the Cowboys and the Cardinals got it right tonight when they took a knee in the beginning to show support for black lives but then they stood arm and arm for the national anthem that spoke volumes to me. Done in a respectful way for everyone .The message Kaepernick has been trying to get across has been lost with all the back-and-forth. You siad a line was drawn and that America had to choose whether they were going to go with Trump a Kaepernick. There should be no sides we need to come together. What I like to see is everyone caring about all people . And trying every day to see something you can do to make someone else’s life better no matter who they are . And I’m glad that there are discussions going on . But The only thing that’s going to change things is if hearts change and I wish there could come a day where we wouldn’t see color we just see people. Just sharing my feelings I wish you well with your blog . And we all need to be ourselves But at the same time we do need to be concerned about others also. United we stand divided we fall. Speak the truth in love.
Oh Debra, thank you so much for bringing this discussion over here. I agree with you that we need to listen to each other, and think about each others’ feelings. I was out running last night and it hit me that the majority of people angry and hurt over the “disrespect” to the flag aren’t actually people who have served or are serving in the military, but they are people who have lost someone or who love someone who has served. And then it all started to make sense to me. The soldiers are coming out to say “we fight for people’s rights to take a knee, and yes, even to “disrespect a flag.” The soldiers say that they fought for all the freedoms, for people’s rights to say what they want when they want, which is what separates us from North Korea. But families and loved ones of soldiers say “hell with that, I lost someone or my son/daughter/husband/wife/friend serves and you will show respect.”
So I’m starting to get where the division comes from. The people on one side are angry that black people are literally being slaughtered, unarmed, arms up, defenseless and innocent in the streets, and the people on the other side are angry that their loved ones are putting their lives on the line for those same people’s freedoms to fight for more freedom and there is a supposition of disrespect toward that sacrifice.
I get it.
But I also agree with you that there shouldn’t be sides. That we should keep having these conversations. And if we can look at one death, any death, as the death of our children, our neighbors, our community, our citizens, then we can start to talk, which is I think the point you are making.
So we make progress. I think if we can keep saying, as you are, “I am sorry you have lost someone. (And do not insert a BUT here) I too have lost someone.”
Then we can come together to try to stop future losses. We can find a way. I agree there should be no sides, but there are right now. I also believe that through conversations like this one, we can eliminate imaginary barriers and eliminate the sides.
If you are interested, I’d love to have you in our Facebook group. It’s so important to have a variety of voices. The group can have political moments, but it is mostly about female support and empowerment. You can find me under my name or you can find the group femme unfiltered.
Thank you again.
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