The Big Lesson: It Is None of My Business What Anybody Thinks About Me.
I know this. On a logical level I do realize that what someone else thinks of me or says about me is none of my business. They have created a version fo me in their head that is based on their own life experiences. It usually has nothing to do with me. When it does have to do with me, even when it’s really good, it’s still not going to be the same as who I think I am.
So thinking about, worrying about, caring at all about, what anyone thinks of me is a complete waste of time. All I can do is be myself, my authentic self, and live my life. What anyone else does or says has nothing to do with me and only ever about them.
This lesson has been really helpful when I flip it too. As a person who aims to be love and light as often as possible, falling in to the dark as a natural part of life and then getting back into love and light, I have to look in the mirror.
Where Does My Own Judgment Come From?
Why am I judging someone? Angry with someone? Hurt by someone? Because of me. Always.
If I am hurt, it is because of how I feel about myself, not about what someone else says or does. If I am thinking or saying hurtful things to someone else, it is because I am not seeing them through eyes of love, but through some other lens, a lens I don’t want to see through.
So this lesson is a great gut check for me.
But obviously it is a difficult road to walk on all the time. We live in a world of constant comparison, competition, criticism, and shame. It takes a highly enlightened person to rise above it all the time. I’m working on it.
The Little Lesson in Self Confidence: Self Love
So what I do as part of that work, as part of any work really, is break down the big goals into little goals.
A huge part of rising above shame and criticism is self love. If you love yourself unequivocally, if you believe that you can never get it wrong and that you’ll never get it done. If you believe that you are here for life experience and fun and that everything you do in this human form contributes to that, you can stop judging yourself.
If you can stop judging yourself, you can stop feeling judged by others.
I have almost mastered complete self love. As I said, I have always been full of self confidence. My mother grew up, and still is, incredibly self conscious, shy, and self critical. She has also always known that about herself, so when she had a baby girl, she was determined that I would be the opposite, even naming me after the strong willed, fierce and fiery red headed main character of a bodice ripping romance novel: Shanna.
Well, she got her way.
I’ve been a strong willed, fierce and fiery copper headed main character of my own story for forty years now. I have loved myself for all my flaws and mistakes.
Recently, I have come into the understanding that my “flaws” are actually strengths and my “mistakes” are merely my experiences with contrast.
Little Lesson in Self Confidence: Stop Apologizing
I stopped apologizing for myself a long long time ago.
As women we are trained from an early age to shrink back and apologize for ourselves at every turn.
Run into someone: “sorry!”
Miss a deadline: “sorry!”
Hurt yourself when someone runs into you: “sorry!”
Late for work: “sorry!”
Say what you think is the wrong thing: “sorry!”
Interrupt a conversation: “I’m sorry…”
Someone else gets hurt: “I’m sorry.”
As soon as I realized that every single time I say I’m sorry I give away my power, I give away a piece of myself and I give power over my emotions to someone else, I stopped apologizing.
Now I say “excuse me,” “thank you,” “almost done!” “almost there!” or any other myriad combination of responses that keep my power firmly in my own hands.
“Thank you for waiting.” I’ll say to my student who waits until I finally get to work five minutes late. (Or ten!) “Thank you for your patience.” I’ll say to a client who is waiting for my draft of an essay.
It still puts the other person at ease, and you don’t give away any power. Now you have no room to judge yourself and hang your head in shame.
Little Lesson in Self Confidence: Stop Explaining Yourself
Recently, I have learned this little lesson as I build toward complete self love, which leads to complete self confidence: stop explaining yourself.
I am a thinker. Maybe because I’m a woman, maybe because I’m a mom, or a wife, or a writer, or a sister, or an empath, or or or. For whatever reason my mind is going a mile a minute always.
I have trouble meditating quite often because I’ll start to quiet my mind and a new thought will come to me about my business, my writing, my kids, my life, you name it.
This constant thought flow is why I actually thoroughly enjoy the meditation process. It gives me a break from my brain.
Overthinking
My classic routine is that I’ll act, then I’ll overthink what I did, or how others responded to it, then I’ll explain myself.
But once I realized that really, I’m the only one thinking about it, and that even if someone else is thinking about it, nothing I can say or do is going to change what they’ve already decided. I’ve been stopping myself.
When I was attacked last week for a piece I posted on the depth of love, I would typically have tried to explain myself, to get the other person to see my side, to make amends or make friends.
Instead, I simply wished the angry woman love and joy, telling her that fortunately, I don’t need to be understood by anyone.
Because this is, in the end, what it comes down to.
We have this need to be understood by others, so we join groups, we put on our best faces, and when we think our best faces (based on our perception of other’s perceptions) aren’t showing, we try to explain why.
Whoo!
Talk about exhausting!
If we can realize that no one will ever understand us the way we want to be understood, we can let go of explaining ourselves.
If we can trust that we can do the good work of loving ourselves, and understanding ourselves, and that the relationship we have with ourselves, with our own inner being of pure positivity, love, and light, is the most important relationship we can ever have, we can let go of explaining ourselves.
When we can reach that goal, just stop explaining. Stop trying to be understood. Stop needing love from outside ourselves, we can build self confidence that is unstoppable.
Why Is Self Confidence So Important?
Because it gets you everything.
The only way you ever get anything in life is by believing you will. That’s it. It’s that easy.
It is the work we have to do toward believing that is difficult. We come up with so many reasons why we are not worthy or why it’s impossible.
But with self confidence, we believe we are worthy, we believe that if it exists, we can have it.
And then?
And then we start to believe that even if it doesn’t exist, even if no one has ever done it or had it before us, we can.
We can have it. We can be the first. We can have it all, even the things that currently feel unreal.
That is where the real magic lies.
Stop explaining yourself, stop apologizing for yourself, love yourself completely, grow your self confidence.
And do magic.
I was just thinking about the saying “sorry” too often. I am working on it myself and determined my daughter won’t pick it up.
I have practiced believing that it is none of my business what others think of me for a few years now. It is so true about if you are hurt by someone else it is usually about what you think of yourself. I had an opportunity to be hurt by a major situation a few months ago. And I just wasn’t. I knew it wasn’t the truth. Great insights!
Excellent thoughts. Rachel Hollis also says that same thing: Other peoples’ opinions of you are none of your business. The older I get the more I realize how true that is.
Very good words. I try to remind myself (and my kids) of this all the time!
Great insights I am trying to help my daughter understand. Thank you for putting them into words.
We really do this as women huh? Thanks for sharing these tips!
yea I think it’s not just women, either. You’re welcome!
Trying to break the patterns that are so deeply embedded is difficult work. Learning to not automatically apologize is definitely worth it!
I’ve been trying really hard not to apologize for things beyond my control. Great tips!
My automatic response to everything is “sorry.” I have to stop doing that.
Some great advice here. As they say, we just need to get out of our own way. I think your post confirms that. Thanks for all of the great reminders!
I can completely relate to the overthinking portion. I overthink just about everything I do, but I’m getting better. I actually think learning to apologize is a good thing (and don’t regret modeling it and teaching it to my sons), but I also believe that we do tend to go overboard, using it in a more insecure fashion rather than true remorse for having a potentially negative effect on someone else’s life.
definitely! It’s all about being conscious of the power you give up when you apologize.
Sorry is such an overused word an especially for women! I catch myself ALL the time taking apologies out of my work emails. It’s so important to keep that in mind.
right?!
The apologizing piece can be such a hard habit to stop. I think we get in the habit and then it takes a conscious focus to change.
I am who I am and although I try to be my best me it isn’t always possible. We need to support each other and understand that not every day is our best day.
you are always being the best you!
Very true! I am almost at pro level for overthinking! LOL. I just have to turn my brain off and move on.
good insights, thanks!
Yesss! I was just thinking of a friend who is the sweetest guy ever, but always apologizes to EVERYONE about EVERYTHING! …And YES, people do take advantage of him! Great post as always! 😉
Im thankful for the post.Much thanks again. Cool.
799816 313838Hey! Fine post! Please keep us posted when I can see a follow up! 462717
Good one! Interesting article over here. It’s pretty worth enough for me.
Very efficiently written post. It will be beneficial to anybody who employess it, including myself. Keep doing what you are doing – looking forward to more posts.
wow, awesome post.Much thanks again. Great.
I truly appreciate this article post.Really thank you! Want more.
I appreciate you sharing this article post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.
I appreciate you sharing this blog.Really thank you! Really Great.
Thanks again for the blog.Much thanks again. Will read on…
Thanks so much for the blog. Awesome.
You actually expressed it fantastically. cbd superbugs
Hey there! This post couldn’t be written any better!Reading this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He alwayskept chatting about this. I will forward this write-up to him.Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
I have read so many articles or reviews concerning the blogger lovers except this paragraph is trulya nice post, keep it up.
It’s difficult to find educated people about this topic, however, you seem like youknow what you’re talking about! Thanks
217347 496252However, what about the conclusion? Are you certain in regards to the supply? 964184
Great, thanks for sharing this article.Really thank you!
WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching for percussion massage gun
When I originally commented I clicked the”Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is addedI get several emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service?Thanks!
order medications online from india: ordering medicine from india order medications online from india
oxnard california apartments apartments in moscow idaho summertree apartments
writing essays onlinepersonal statement editing service
You said it perfectly.. canada online pharmacies
azithromycin contain aspirin – clamelle over the counter zithromax prescribing information
Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins toassist with SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very goodgains. If you know of any please share. Many thanks!
Hi, after reading this remarkable post i am also cheerful to share my know-how here with mates.
WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searchingfor agen slot online togel online terpercaya
Great post. I was checking constantly this blog and I’m impressed! Very useful information specially the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this particular information for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck.
tinder online , tinder dating apptinder date
I truly appreciate this post. I’ve been looking everywhere for something like this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You’ve made my day! Thanks again! soyos
I am not sure where you are getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for fantastic information I was looking for this information for my mission.
I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your blog. It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a developer to create your theme? Outstanding work!
What i don’t realize is actually how you are not really much more well-liked than you may be now. You are so intelligent. You realize thus considerably relating to this subject, made me personally consider it from numerous varied angles. Its like men and women aren’t fascinated unless it is one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs nice. Always maintain it up!
Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am inspired! Extremely useful info specifically the last part 🙂 I deal with such info a lot. I was seeking this particular info for a long time. Thanks and best of luck.
I’m impressed, I have to say. Actually rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me inform you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your concept is outstanding; the problem is one thing that not enough persons are speaking intelligently about. I am very comfortable that I stumbled across this in my seek for something relating to this.
Hello there, just became alert to your blog via Google, and located that it’s really informative. I am going to be careful for brussels. I will appreciate if you proceed this in future. Numerous other folks will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!
This design is steller! You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!
I like what you guys are up too. Such intelligent work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my site 🙂
Asking questions are really good thing if you are not understanding something entirely, except this post provides fastidious understanding even.
I am not sure where you are getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for magnificent info I was looking for this information for my mission.
There are definitely numerous details like that to take into consideration. That may be a great point to carry up. I provide the thoughts above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions just like the one you carry up where an important factor will likely be working in sincere good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged round things like that, however I am positive that your job is clearly recognized as a fair game. Both boys and girls really feel the impression of only a moment’s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.
I like the helpful info you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I’m quite certain I’ll learn plenty of new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!
I blog quite often and I truly appreciate your information. Your article has truly peaked my interest. I’m going to bookmark your blog and keep checking for new information about once a week. I subscribed to your Feed too.
I’ll right away grasp your rss as I can’t in finding your emailsubscription link or newsletter service.Do you have any? Kindly let me realize in order that I may subscribe.Thanks.
Thanks so much for the blog.Really thank you! Much obliged.
Xoilac Tv Thẳng Soccer ae888Đội tuyển nước Việt Nam chỉ muốn một kết trái hòa có bàn thắng để lần thứ hai góp mặt trên World Cup futsal. Nhưng, để làm được như vậy
Say, you got a nice post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.
treatments for ed male erection pillsed medication
liquid tadalafil – tadalafil online pharmacy tadalafil generic online
I am so grateful for your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…
I savor, cause I discovered just what I used to be taking a look for. You have ended my 4 day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
wow, awesome article post.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.
These are in fact enormous ideas in about blogging.You have touched some fastidious factors here.Any way keep up wrinting.
I cannot thank you enough for the article.Thanks Again. Want more.
Very informative article.Thanks Again. Great.
Appreciate you sharing, great blog post.Thanks Again.
I value the blog post.Really thank you! Really Great.
Great article.Really thank you! Really Cool.
ivermectin brand name – ivermectin eye drops ivermectin medication
I have read so many articles or reviews about the blogger lovers but this articleis genuinely a nice paragraph, keep it up.
Hi i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anyplace, when i read this paragraph i thought i could also make comment due to this sensible post.
Hey there! This is my first visit to your blog!We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche.Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a extraordinaryjob!
Thank you for your post.Thanks Again.
Very interesting details you have noted , regards for posting . “I’ve made a couple of mistakes I’d like to do over.” by Jerry Coleman.
A round of applause for your article.Thanks Again. Keep writing.
A round of applause for your blog. Really Cool.
Fantastic post.Thanks Again. Want more.
Very informative blog post.Thanks Again. Really Cool.
Appreciate you sharing, great blog article.Really looking forward to read more.
You can certainly see your enthusiasm within the work you write. The sector hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart.
Fine way of telling, and pleasant piece of writing to get facts on the topic of my presentation topic, which i am going to deliver in academy.
hydroxychloroquine warnings what is hydroxychloroquine
how to ck my credit score free credit report transunion equifax free credit score
I was shocked to see 1-2 people I never expected ??
You can definitely see your expertise within the paintings you write. The arena hopes for more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart.
stromectol in canada ivermectin oral – ivermectin australia
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on canlı rulet. Regards
how far apart are horseshoe stakes apartments in la porte tx sunscape apartments
plaquenil from canada plaquenil – plaquenil for ra
It’s fantastic that you are getting ideas fromthis article as well as from our argument made at this place.0mniartist asmr
คาสิโนออนไลน์เรียกว่ายุคนี้ใครๆจำต้องรู้จักเพราะกระแสตอบรับดีมากๆในกลุ่มนักเสี่ยงดวงรุ่นใหม่เนื่องจากเป็นที่เข้าใจกันดีว่าคาสิโนออนไลน์ง่าย สบาย ไม่มีอันตรายสุดๆยิ่ง UFABETที่เป็นเว็บไซต์เชื่อถือได้ยิ่งเชื่อมั่นได้ว่า จ่ายจริงไม่มีกั๊กเลยครับ
An intriguing discussion is definitely worth comment. I do believe that you need to publish more on this topic, it may not be a taboo subject but typically people do not talk about these issues. To the next! Many thanks!!
This also functions as 1 of the most important poker tips while taking part in the sport. Learning from your mistakes and the errors of other people is a tool used to perform in the moment of play.
And, she does it professionally. awesome article.
waiting for your next write ups thank you once again.
The Initial Financial Investment Valuation Belongs To The Benefits Associated With Watch.
I was suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know suchdetailed about my problem. You’re wonderful! Thanks!
I think this is a real great blog post.Really thank you!
dispensaries near me[…]The details mentioned in the write-up are some of the most beneficial offered […]
chloroquine and hydroxychloroquine chloroquine diphosphate
wonderful issues altogether, you simply won a emblem newreader. What may you suggest about your publish thatyou simply made a few days ago? Any certain?
I appreciate you sharing this blog article.Thanks Again. Much obliged.
Appreciate you sharing, great blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.
I really like and appreciate your blog post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.
pharmacy tech online training free walgreens pharmacy online refill
51666 99588Spot on with this write-up, I truly assume this internet site needs significantly far more consideration. Ill probably be once more to read far a lot more, thanks for that info. 959377
Thanks for one’s marvelous posting! I definitelyenjoyed reading it, you’re a great author.I will always bookmark yourblog and may come back very soon. I want to encourage continue your great job, have a nice evening!
lasix generic: generic lasix – lasix side effects
Howdy! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if youknew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form?I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one?Thanks a lot!
F*ckin’ awesome things here. I am very glad to look your post. Thank you a lot and i’m looking ahead to touch you. Will you please drop me a mail?
ยอดสายสืบจิ๋วโคนันเป็นหนึ่งในซีรีส์อนิเมะ/มังงะของญี่ปุ่นผลงานคุณ Gosho Aoyama ยอดนิยมชั่วกัลปวสานในทั้งเด็กจนถึงคนแก่ตั้งแต่ปีคริสต์ศักราช 1994 เป็นการ์ตูนที่มียอดจำหน่ายมากกว่า 230 ล้านเล่มทั่วโลก
สมัครเลย อย่ารอช้า💰 1 บาทก็เล่นได้ 💰👉รองรับทรูวอเล็ท👉ฝาก-ถอน โดยระบบอัตโนมัติ👉รวดเร็ว-มั่งคง-ปลอดภัย 100👉มีแอดมินดูแลอย่างดี 24 ชม.คลิกเลยจร้า
20 práctica herramienta de spam de trabajo para saludar, devolver, regenerar, pagar y retener prácticas
Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thanks, However I am going through issues with your RSS. I donít understand why I cannot join it. Is there anybody getting similar RSS problems? Anybody who knows the solution can you kindly respond? Thanks!!
Thank you ever so for you blog post. Fantastic.
I’m gone to tell my little brother, that he should also visit this blog on regular basis to obtain updatedfrom newest information.
Thanks for sharing such a fastidious thought, post is pleasant, thats why i have read it fully
What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads. I hope to contribute & assist other users like its aided me. Good job.
wow, awesome blog. Want more.
I loved your post.Really thank you! Will read on…
Appreciate you sharing, great blog article.Really thank you! Really Great.
This is one awesome article post.Thanks Again. Want more.
Really informative blog post.Much thanks again.
100 free online dating ukonline dating over 50 free
I cannot thank you enough for the article.Really thank you! Great.
Hey just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know afew of the images aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its alinking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.
It’s in point of fact a great and helpful piece of information. I am satisfied that you shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
I really enjoy the blog. Want more.
These are genuinely wonderful ideas in regarding blogging.You have touched some nice points here. Any way keep up wrinting.
I’m no longer certain where you’re getting your info, but good topic.I needs to spend a while learning much more or understanding more.Thanks for great info I was searching forthis info for my mission.
I am so grateful for your post.Much thanks again.
Hi my loved one! I want to say that this article is amazing,nice written and include almost all vital infos. I would like to peer extraposts like this .
I cannot thank you enough for the article.Thanks Again. Want more.
Wow! This can be one particular of the most beneficial blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Wonderful. I’m also an expert in this topic so I can understand your hard work.
I am so grateful for your blog post.Really thank you! Really Cool.
Good day! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering ifyou knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form?I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having problems finding one?Thanks a lot!
It’s impressive that you are getting thoughts from this piece of writing as well as from our argument made here.
Im thankful for the blog. Fantastic.
I really like and appreciate your article. Awesome.
I really enjoy the blog post.Really thank you! Awesome.
I really enjoyed this blog post. I hope you keep on create more content.
I read this paragraph completely about the difference of latest and previous technologies, it’s remarkable article.
Very good post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…
Thank you for your article post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.
amoxicillin rash pictures trimox can you mix amoxicillin with milk what amoxicillin used for
Trimethoprim bnf sulfamethoxazole trimethoprim side effects
I like it when individuals come together and share ideas. Great blog, continue the good work!
Awesome blog post. Fantastic.
erectile dysfunction treatment erection problems – is canadian pharmacy legit
Great, thanks for sharing this blog post. Want more.
Hey! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twittergroup? There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content.Please let me know. Thanks
Normally I do not read post on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to check out and doso! Your writing style has been surprised me.Thanks, quite nice article.
I am not sure where you’re getting your information,but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more.Thanks for fantastic info I was looking for this info formy mission.
Awesome! Its in fact amazing paragraph, I have got muchclear idea about from this post.
I think this is a real great post.Thanks Again. Awesome.
I like what you guys are up too. This type of clever work and reporting!Keep up the superb works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to our blogroll.
I value the blog.Thanks Again. Great.
Thank you for your article.Really thank you! Keep writing.
I loved your blog. Keep writing.
jaxon apartments golden apartments apartments in goodyear az
I loved your article post.Really thank you! Really Great.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your further postthanks once again.
Hi, I do think this is an excellent blog. I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to revisit once again since i have bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.